RTV #33 - Turning Cantankerous into Cooperative!

The glass is half full AND half empty!

A Year of Village Raising, Week #33. Turning Cantankerous into Cooperative.

It's a dangerous thing to look at community building through glasses so "rose coloured" that the complexities of human nature is dulled down to an insipid, pleasant monotone. People are COMPLICATED and working with people is COMPLEX! In your village-raising activities, keep your eyes wide open for personalities, characteristics and quirks that make life more interesting, and may create a little more work!

"Difficult people" is a common label used in group facilitation resources. We cringe when we hear that. Similar to parenting, it is the behaviour that might be difficult, not the person! Taking the time to understand why the behaviour is coming across as difficult is one of the keys to turning cantankerous into cooperative!

Think of someone that comes across as confrontational, disagreeable and contrary (at least sometimes!).  Ask yourself these questions to uncover their cooperative sweet spot.

1. Start with yourself - how are you coming across? Are you being clear? Are you threatening the status quo in a way that makes change scary? Are you consistently approachable, equitable and transparent? What is it about you that could be a trigger for this behaviour?

2.  Is the person in over their head? Is the behaviour a defensive mask of a lack of confidence and/or ability? Is there a way to offer training opportunities or group learning that evens the playing field?

3. Consider the strengths of the person, are they being used? Are the being used at appropriate times?  (first question: do you even know their strengths?)

In our travels, we have found that people who have amazing critical thinking skills, or those who are deliberative about risks or those who are involved to work, not to make friends often come across as "difficult" to others who are more idea driven, action eager and glass half-full. Make sure that there is a shared understanding of the various stengths that people bring, and USE them...otherwise, you'll find people fighting the process to try to get some kind of contribution in at all cost.

4.  A group check-in might be in order! Is the group's direction on the same track as when people first got involved? Or has it evolved and left some people out?

5. Is the difficult behaviour actually not difficult at all - but adding a dose of healthy conflict, richness, depth and diversity of thinking? If so, yet people are feeling "bothered" by the behaviour, it might be a time to shake things up. Don't allow group-think to alienate those that have the courage to think differently!

So raise your half-empty and half-full glass up to healthy conflict that keeps community builders on their toes!